


idk but this is sad and angsty

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergence, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confession, M/M, Sad Castiel, Set in season 12 ish?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:56:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27921136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Dean had always been a light sleeper, a talent which came in handy in his line of work. Though it was annoying at times, given that the smallest sound could wake him up in an instant, it had proved useful many more times. Dean thought he would chalk up that day as another instance of it being an obstacle. He was wrong....Dean finds Castiel crying in the bathroom in the middle of the night, and though Dean himself has a giant pile of unresolved emotional issues, he attempts to help Cas work through his.
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester
Kudos: 8





	1. Chapter 1

**Dean’s POV**

The Winchester brothers were on a case with Castiel. What they had thought to be a routine salt-and-burn proved to be a much bigger issue once it was clear that Lucifer was pulling the strings. After Sam had done his research and gave his trademark “so-get-this” speech, the angel and the Winchesters had come up with a plan to thwart Lucifer, thought it was a long shot. They had settled in for the night in another ramshackle hotel, determined to get some rest before facing Satan himself. It was frankly ridiculous when Dean thought about it.

A few hours after Dean had curled up in his bed, pulling the thin, rough sheets around himself, he was awoken by a quiet sniffling noise. His hand automatically reached under his pillow for his gun as his eyes darted around the dark room. He sat up to see that Sam’s giant figure was still burrowed under the blankets of his bed, giving him a rush of relief. That’s when he noticed something was missing: Cas, with his lack of understanding of human sleep patterns, often sat stoically on the couch all night, watching over Sam and Dean. He scanned the room once more for the angel as another quiet sniffle came from the bathroom, catching his attention. Dean stuffed his gun back under his pillow and slowly scooted off of the bed. He stood up and crept towards the bathroom. The door was slightly ajar and light was spilling out of the thin crack. He pushed the door open silently. Castiel, an angel of the lord, was curled up, hugging his knees to his chest, leaning against the bathtub. His dark hair was messed up and he was shaking with quiet sobs. Dean felt a sharp pang in his chest as he took in the scene. For a moment, he was frozen here, hand still on the door, debating wether he should save Cas the embarrassment of being seen like this and just go back to bed. He quickly shook his head a little, as if to clear away the thought. This was his friend, and he needed to do what he could to help, not run away from it.

Dean quietly walked further into the room and laid a hand on his friend’s shoulder. Cas flinched and inhaled sharply, causing another ache in Dean’s chest. The angel looked up at Dean warily with blue eyes that looked even brighter filled with tears. Dean knelt down and tried to conjure up an idea of what to say.

“Hey, Cas, you ok?” was what he decided to go with, cringing inwardly as he realized what a stupid question that was.

“I’m fine,” Castiel mumbled, avoiding Dean’s gaze. Dean opened his mouth to snark about how he obviously wasn’t but quickly closed it again. They both stayed still for a moment, neither knowing what to say.

“Well, uh, if you’re..not, or if you need to talk or something, you know you can always talk to me,” Dean said quickly. Cas gave a small, sad smile.

“Yes, of course,” he said, shifting his weight onto his hands and started to stand up. Dean hurriedly spoke again.

“Look man, I’m not just saying that. Seriously, I’m here if you need to talk.” Cas stilled for a moment. Dean gave him a pointed look and Cas sighed and sat back down.

”So what’s going on, what’s wrong?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Castiel’s POV**

”So what’s goin’ on, what’s wrong?” 

Cas thought for a second, considering what he should tell Dean. He decided there was no harm in being honest, and took a deep breath.

”After Naomi rescued me from Purgatory, she was...controlling me for a time.”

”Yeah, I know.”

”When she- when she was,” Cas stuttered, then stopped, confused as to why his words were not coming out as he wished.

”What happened, Cas?” Dean prompted. Cas chewed at his lips.

”She wanted me to...kill you.”

”You didn’t.”

”Yes, but when she was-“ Cas paused again, searching for the word for it, “-training me, she made...clones of you.”

Dean was starting to understand where this was going, but stayed silent and let Cas speak.

”She made me kill you, over and over, hundreds of times and I-I shouldn’t have, I should have refused, I should have-“ Cas’s breathing started getting erratic as he spoke quickly. Dean put his hand on top of his friend’s.

“Hey, breathe, it’s ok,” he said. “You didn’t do it when it counted and that’s what matters.”

“But it was still...you. I could still hurt you.”

“You won’t.”

“You don’t know that! All those clones of you, they thought so too! They would beg me to snap out of it, they would try to remind me who they were but I-”

“It’s not your fault, that’s not who you are-“

“Stop saying that! I was capable of killing someone I love, that is who I am. Naomi just showed me that,” Cas explained, exasperated. Dean stayed quiet and Cas couldn’t bear to look at him. What if Dean was realizing the truth of who Cas was? What if Dean left him? Tears started welling up in his eyes again. When he finally risked a glance at Dean, he was puzzled by his expression. Dean didn’t look angry or hurt, he seemed surprised and...happy? Cas puzzled over what could have caused this.

“Someone you...love?” Cas felt his face flush. He nodded hesitantly. They were both quiet.

“Cas, what do you mean, love?”

He took a deep breath.

“I believe I have feelings for you, Dean.”


End file.
